VINIVERSE

“I don’t know” as an answer.

…

abstraction is such a fucking tempting prison. It’s rigged. like a fucking slot machine at a casino. 

dopaminergic shit : double-edged sword.

@God_killer : “it’s a cult of surfaces.”

Wtf does he mean by “surfaces”? – I had wondered myself.

I felt so stupid. it felt like reading Nietzsche for the first time. And second and third and every other time. In reality, I never really did.

Anyway, I’ve been a few layers beneath for some time now. Absolutely no regrets (well…) nor intentions to resurface back.

– how could one manage that anyway?

I simply loved that line. It didn’t read like anything. But it felt like everything.

thank you. but u came off arrogant af too in those replies. Well, pretty self-evident what else would one expect from a username like that.

It just dawned on me I’m literally projecting. Holy fuck ain’t language rigged.

Yeah, I do resurface on occasion (do I? fuck! I can’t tell no more) and it usually means looping self-deception. 

I have no idea what to do nor feel about @Ezrl (are you reading this? You see, I think about you a lot, cause -and you know this – you’re parts of me pushed outward. But you’re right. I don’t know the @Ezrl parts. SFW. It turns out I actually think about myself through you. Gosh

But I did tell you one day (cause I somehow am able to remember fucking everything, right?(But because I always say the same stuff? No! I can paraphrase you like I have already shown u(in my defense)(btw, why am I defending myself right now?)(we both know what that means, don’t we?)(hello self-deception ;D. I speak on behalf of alien meta self-awareness and I got escape velocity, so I’m going so so fast. Let’s play a game, shall we? I play singularity and you play… mhm… you cease to exist at that point, right? Cause I’m too heavy too fast to catch up. So don’t get too close))))) we people might only exist and know each other in silence. when we drop our walls. and, sadistically (in my case), let the ego suffocate, (with a few check-ins here and there for Pradox ical egotistical mockery, you know, poking fun at it. but, honestly and redundantly, never sure I’m looping self-deception)which is tremendously paradoxically freeing.

Is this why I’m fucking miserable and lonely?

Btw, Is there anything to be done at all?

I forgive myself and I hope you can forgive me too @Alicia. (I know you don’t like your name)(I remember everything you ever told me too. It’s part of my sporadic nostalgic sessions aka shit we refuse to let go (cause u meant everything to me), it just takes enough context and the right trigger, but I do. Cause I paraphrase you in my thoughts and to strangers (I give you an Alias for those instances) And I’m suspicious it’s not just the name. Are you keeping up? But you’re also much smarter than I am and maybe you were just fucking around with me. And boy do I love ambiguity. Tension. Just like you fucking do too. But yours is embodied. Irresistible. You’re walking paradox. A walking Myth. But I’m biased anyway.

Maybe i was just a lab rat for your experiments. You outsmarted me I couldn’t even tell. Cause besides that you’ve been trained, you do it for a living ain’t that right? Phi Beta Kappa girl. You held the paradox  gracefully. Like a scientist is supposed to. But your body language gives you away. It’s an interesting thing right? how our bodies seem to not give a shit about our minds and what we command it to do when we’re performing.

Anyway. I’ll see you around. Valedictorian girl.